Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
