Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
