Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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