he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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