I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I want her autograph on my taint
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
third nipple confirmed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
