I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
