Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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