I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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