I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
