so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
