please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
