I have demons in me.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
