Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
