I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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