Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm going to jail i love you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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