If you die in college, do you die in real life?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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