In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so let's talk penis.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
