I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
