I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
