MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I touched a dick in church today
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
