i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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