he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
