At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
