sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
