The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
