so that wasnt chicken after all
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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