I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
