remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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