Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
