When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
