I love black thongs
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
