I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
