who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
