She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
