Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize