I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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