i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
