Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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