dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
