god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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