Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
