why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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