When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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