Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
