Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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