I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
