You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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