And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Randomize
