So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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