don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
