Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize