You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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