Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize