I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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