Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
