You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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