we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize