Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
