This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
