She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize