It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
