Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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