Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
