i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Send help, water and tortillas.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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