I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
