If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
