I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize